Is optimism inherited?

I am asking this question after a recent chat with my Dad. He had just returned home after a week in an NHS hospital in London, following some complictions linked to an earlier hernia operation. During his stay in hospital, I spoke to my Mum almost every day, and she was not coping well without him. In their 40 plus years of marriage, he had never been away without her, and she was stressed to be in the house on her own.

Dad on the other hand made the most of his 'enforced' vacation. He said that he listened to the radio on his phone with earplugs, had plenty to eat (he is a notoriously fussy eater) and particularly liked the deserts - such as pear crumble that he had never had before, and was sorry to be missing the ginger sponge that was on the current night's menu, (he had ordered that before he was discharged and was wondering if he could sneak back in to eat his portion!) He also said that he was learning about people by watching how they behaved around the ward. Not once was there any hint of complaint or negativity. All in all, it was a minor set back, and he will now carry on where he left off, having benefited from some new culinary experiences.

Have I inherited Dad's optimism or Mum's pessimism? I think I have about an 80/20 split between the two. Mainly I am optimistic, but there are times when I slip into an attitude of' 'poor old me'. I have been working on dealling with those times, and think I have almost conquered them. Here's my top 5 ways of keeping my own optimism -

1. Talking to positive people every day - both Dad and my husband are great at raising my spirits and helping me keep everything in perspective;
2. Treating all five of my senses every day - I like to have scented candles or incense sticks for smell; a sensible amount of one of my favourite foods (such as chocolate covered peanut butter pretzels) for taste, to stroke my cats for touch and listen to them purr for one of my favorite sounds and to watch the wildlife out of my window for sight.
3. Appreciating everything that I have and how all my senses allow me to experience and enjoy life
4. Learning something new - reading a new book or blog, or checking what is on the Discovery or History channel
5. Doing something that I have been putting off, such as weeding or ironing. It's not the task itself that makes me feel good, it is the feeling of achievement I get once the task has been finished, and I can sit down with a cup of tea and a chocolate pretzel!

Two simple little things for a perfect relationship

I was invited to be a guest on a recent local TV show about dating and relationships. As this is a subject that is so closely connected to confidence and self esteem, it made me reflect on my ideas about a perfect relationship. To me, your relationships with your friends and your significant other have two key things in common to make them work. If either of these is missing, neither will last very long. The question on the show which prompted my thoughts was 'If the guy I am dating stops calling me after our second date, should I try to call him?' My reply to this is a definite 'No'. Why on earth would you?


Think rationally about the situation: At the early stages of dating and building a relationship, you both should be showing your absolute best side. You will be on your best behaviour, look your best and do all that you can to impress the other person. So if this other person's idea of trying to impress you is not calling you back, is this really the sort of person you want to develop a relationship with? If this is their best, then there is no future in pursuing them - their behavior is not likely to get better if you chase after them and give them an opportunity to behave badly, setting the (low) standard for the rest of your relationship. Think about how badly they will treat you in a year or two's time. Would you tolerate this lack or courtesy from one of your friends or family? Even if there was some sort of emergency that has called him away, no one is very far from a telephone nowdays.


So my first absolute essential for developing a relationship has to be 'friendship'. If this is how you expeect your friends to treat you, then it is time to find a new circle.


The second essential, which is evidenced in the person's early behaviour is integrity. My definition of this is a persons' adherence to moral and ethical principles, their moral character and, most importantly, their honesty. This is easy to spot in your very first interaction with them by the way that they treat you.

Some simple examples are: -

• Does s/he call when s/he says he will?
• Does s/he ask for, and listen to, your point of view?
• Do you go on dates that you will both enjoy or does they other person always insist on making the choice?

Integrity is not about being a door mat and just doing what the other person wants (so consider your own integrity too!) If someone starts making excuses, ask yourself if their integrity (or lack of it) is an issue. Longer term, if you imagine yourselves together five years down the line, is this going to be someone that you can rely on to make you feel safe and secure around them, who you can confide and trust in what ever the issues, and that you can speak your mind to? Or will you be walking on egg shells and feeling anxious about where they are and what they are doing.

It's your life, so make sure that you know what you want and what will make you happy.

Amanda

Tips for happiness

Ten Little Tips to Feel Happier Right Now (after all, it is Friday!)

Ten Little Tips to Feel Happier even if the sun isnt shining...


1. Smile. Raise the corners of your mouth. Pretty soon the smile will become genuine - you can fake it until you make it.

2. Breathe deeply and slowly from your belly, not your chest. Focus your entire attention on each in-breath and out-breath. I suggest at least 10 of these at a time.

3. Take a walk by yourself (You might need an umbrella if you are living anywhere near here). Focus on each step and on your breathing.

4. Count your blessings. Make a gratitude list. Everyone has thousands of things to be thankful for - see if you can get to at least 10.

5. Be thankful for those who serve you. Make a list of those you depend upon. Everyone has many people who help along the way. Don't forget those who grow and deliver your food, keep your electricity and telephone running, provide emergency medical care, and protect the safety of your community and your nation.

6. Forgive someone for something right now. Release the resentment and anger. This practice is for you to become happier. Telling the other person is a bonus, or you could write it in a letter that you chose to mail to them, or not.

7. Stretch your body. Do yoga, do qigong, or just stand and stretch.I have just been stretching whilst doing the ironing!

8. Turn on happy music and dance. Don't stop 'til you're tired. Maybe dance all by yourself. Choose music that makes you want to move and keep moving.

9. Be of service. Find someone who has worse troubles than you and do something nice for them today.

10. Meditate or have a conversation with God/the universe (or whatever you call your Higher Power).

Do some of these everyday, and feel the difference!



Based on material from Jonathan Lockwood Huie - www.DreamThisDay.com.

Jonathan Lockwood Huiejlh@sail7.comDaily Inspiration - Daily Quote